Posted by Stan on July 08, 03 at 10:11:38:
In the beginning God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Ben created Gut Busting Burgers and presented it to his friends and after consuming his Gut busting Burgers Ben said, "You want Cheese with that?" And man said "Yes!" and woman said, "I'll have another with extra Cheese." And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Ben brought forth white flour from the wheat, and Tabasco Sauce from Peppers then combined them into his Gut Busting Burgers. And woman went from size 2 to size 6.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Ben presented eggs from the Chicken to be added to the Gut Busting Burgers with chili beans on the side derived from friend Traveler. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you hearty healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Ben brought forth Ketchup made from cane sugar, partially hydrogenated corn oil and then added High Fructose Corn Syrup, thus his burgers were so big they needed their own platter. And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went above 300. And Ben smiled.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Ben came forth with the Suburban with automatic transmission so Man would not have to toil with walking.. And man and woman laughed and cried as they stepped upon their scale and watched in awe as they piled on the pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Ben peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into wedges and deep-fried them in animal lard and added copious quantities of salt. And Ben proclaimed "Who wants Fries?" And man put on more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Ben added Italian Sausage high in saturated fat to his Gut Busting Burgers to compensate for the lean beef. Ben then added Soy Sauce with large quantities of salt from the oceans. Then Ben asked “ Who wants seconds?” and man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Ben said "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Ben created HMOs.