Posted by Stan on April 19, 02 at 10:01:41:
There certainly was no shortage of moronic questions and posts to the board for 2001. Understandably the events of 9-11 did slow down the pace, however within weeks the board was back up to speed.
Of course all we are trying to do here at Stan Central is have a little laugh at ourselves and we are not trying to condemn or be overly critical.
From the folks that brought us the Pinto, the Ford guys pretty much left us Bowtie guys alone. I suppose they know better. The amount of posts from the Tree hugging, sap s#@&ing, green environmentalists also declined this year, probably bugging the Excursion board.
So without further delay, and not in any particular order we at Stan Central proudly present the winners for 2001. Note: In some cases you will have to view the link to see the “rest” of the story:
I care for the environment award goes to Skip Simmons.
The nice folks that go around and put those “I’m changing the climate” bumper stickers finally got to Skip Simmons who really bought into the “Green” movement. Skip traded in his 99 ¾ ton Suburban (10mpg) for a 96 VW Jetta (18mpg). Skip’s wife, Muffy, discovered one of the stickers on the Burb’s rear bumper during one of the children’s soccer games. Ashamed and downcast, she reportedly told Skip either the Burb goes or she does. Skip reluctantly traded away his pride and joy. Unfortunately the salesman at the VW dealer misled Skip as he was convinced the cargo capacity (see photo above) was equal to the Suburban. They now have to take two trips to transport the kids and the Irish Wolfhound left to Skip by his late mother-in-law netting an actual increase in the amount of fuel used.
The Beat The Dead Horse Award:
Overall the board was pretty well behaved. The top subject started out to be the high gas prices, however when gas prices came back down the posts dropped off, therefore the number 1 posting subject was led by Moss and Ben regarding the subject of Thermostats. Not to be outdone, Ben continues to modify his thermostat weekly until the NFL season begins. There is more information here on these boards regarding Thermostats than at Robert Shaw, which is the company that makes these things. Moss reportedly has 62 gallons and a half-quart of Dex-Cool for sale that has only slightly been exposed to the outside air.
This years Darwin / Vegetable award goes to Ned Willingot:
While putting an “I’m changing the climate” bumper sticker on the rear bumper on a 99 ¾ ton Suburban, little Ned was struck and run over as the vehicle backed up. Ned now eats through a straw and actively promotes safe driving via the Internet. Ironically he is transported via a Suburban.
Am I a Chef or a Father award goes to:
Ben, for posting an entire four-page recipe on how to prepare hamburgers on Fathers Day. Here at Stan central we like to eat burgers just like the next guy, we just don’t want to spend an entire weekend preparing them.
Forums.vmag.com/suvsuburban0501/messages/1611.html
Am I a chair or a man award goes to:
Doug Tweity who could not make up his mind on the proper design of his new car seats. “I wanted to create a custom fit and feel for the rear seats in my new 2001 Burb” Doug was quoted. The IRS is trying to figure out if he should be taxed as an individual or as a product. Debate is still raging…
http://www.weirdlinks.com/images/chairman.jpg
Up in smoke award… This year’s winner is:
This is bestowed on FAT BOY for his ingenious mechanical configuration of
a camping lantern holder that has proven capable of flinging said lit lantern
several meters upon the arrival of a substantial wind gust. Perfected in
September 2001 in Dayton, OH (home of the Wright Brothers), the projectile
fortunately encountered a tree and thus prevented it from crashing through the
window of the adjacent large, expensive motor home. Fat Boy wants to keep the details under wraps until the second generation is developed, which is expected to revolutionize the offensive capabilities of the average campsite. A "toast" to you, Fat Boy!
Border line “Is it appropriate for the board” award goes to:
KSHEEHAN and a close second to others who for some reason are obsessed with posts regarding their rear ends. Posts of dripping rear ends, whining rear ends, rear air resistors, rear ends with noise, frozen clunking rear ends and even a post from KSHEEHAN stating on Valentines Day no less… “MY REAR END STILL LOOKS GOOD”. Our thoughts here at Stan Central is these types of posts belong on some other board.
forums.vmag.com/suvsuburban0201/messages/1010.html
The annual Aluminum hat award this year goes to:
Moss6 for his post regarding the 8.1 throttle body. It seems that Mr. Moss is quite concerned about the “throttle by wire” concept and it interaction with GM’s On-Star system. Moss is sure they will take control of his vehicle first, wife second, then the children and family dog. Although we at Stan Central can see his point, and we think it is irreverent, nevertheless, we suggest the Moss family all wear Reynolds Wrap aluminum hats whenever riding in their 8.1 Suburban. Keep the black suit guys away.
The Bill Clinton proof that people smoke pot (No I never inhaled) award goes to:
The GM design guys. They just make one wonder what is going into the lungs of corporate America. We actually had three designs in the running but all were beat out by the stupidest most useless design ever….. The Cadillac Escalade EXT. Runners up were of course the Avalanche and the nifty Pontiac Aztec, which we hear is entirely injection molded from old tires. The phrase “Body by Fisher” as been forever replaced by “Body by Homer Simpson” A supply of brown paper bags to wear over your head is now standard equipment with each of these vehicles (note Cadillac has virgin white paper bags).
Pick me up off the floor award goes to:
FAT BOY for his answer to Travelers post regarding firing order. It seems that Traveler did a tune up on his motor and got the firing order out of order, not wanting to consult the manual he quickly ran to the board for expert advice to obtain the correct engine firing order, Traveler was greeted with FAT BOYS response, which was:
“Mother-in-law, father-in-law, neighbors dog (the one that always goes in your yard), wife’s cat, misc. birds and rodents.”
We think this was pretty original and we did not forget, received several votes too.
http://forums.vmag.com/suvsuburban0501/messages/1374.html
Most Off Topic award:
We saw posts regarding circuit breakers, toasters and VCR’s, but Life Vests … by FAT BOY. A little off topic??? Our thinking here is he has confused a SUBurban with a SUBmarine. Fat Boy, these guys are all motor head grease monkeys, not lifeguards.
http://forums.vmag.com/suvsuburban0900/messages/6007.html
Best Web Site for Surburbans:
Of course, three years in a row… #1 Son
A place where you will find all sorts of useless information on Surburbans. Now you do have to get past the 3,659 ad banners that pop up, but there is some real cool stuff, like gas buddy’s. Once into the site you will be greeted by some obnoxious music and irrelevant photos of some vacation that #1 Son took. Makes me think of Uncle Jerome’s slide shows we all had to sit through when I was ten years old. He would come back from the national Polka dance contest with no less than 17 rolls of film.
http://subtopics.freeyellow.com/subtopics.htm
Best Contributions Award:
This is a result of your votes, not from Stan. The winner this year is… Dave B aka Traveler. Traveler’s posts of useless facts and figures continue to amaze us all. Sponsored by Mobil One, Mr. Traveler can be read on all the vmag boards posting conflicting information to assure a steady stream of work at the GM dealerships. “He is the best” as one voter stated, a GM mechanic. Honestly several of you have the best knowledge on certain subjects, its not just Dave! What did we do before the Internet and all that time?
Well if you have read this far you are as nuts as the rest of us. Sorry for the late posting. I have actually been working quite a bit this year, which is a first in a long time. Of course every show I have been writing for has now been cancelled, except of course, The Man Show, which I encourage you all to watch. I will try better next year…. Until then.. STANby for more idiot posts from yours truly and you guys just keep doing what your have always done………